Your Journey Home

Ever since I can remember, I've had anxiety. Even as a small child I can remember having fears, insecurities or doubts. This was just a part of Courtney and I didn't know any differently. Although it has always been a part of me, it's still one of the hardest things I've dealt with as a child, teen and into adulthood. BUT I NEVER knew panic attacks until I was dating the man I would eventually divorce (here's your sign.) But, I didn't understand what they were. I had heard of them before, but didn't know that's what I was experiencing. I thought I was just weird & tried my best to play it off and ignore it. I already thought I was defective enough as a woman, that these panic attacks just proved that even more in my mind. I already had low self worth, low self esteem and low confidence at this specific time in my life that these panic attacks just escalated those feelings for me.  Who in their right mind would want a girl that every single

When you grow up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and you dream of your future, it's always inside of one of the beautiful temples and its always a forever thing. You never imagine that one day you could be standing alone, in the dark, in a place you never thought you'd be. You never imagine that something that is supposed to last forever, doesn't. This is where I found myself in 2009. Just one short year after being sealed for time and all eternity. At the young age of 21.  Flash forward to last week.... as I was packing up my house I came across some paperwork from that dark time in my life. It brought back a flood of emotions and memories.... memories that aren't beautiful. Memories that hurt and that I allowed to cause me a lot of pain. It reminded me what a hard time that was for me. I've always felt like I've had to be a strong person, but this time in my life truly tried to take me down.  Sometimes in life it is the very dar