Competitive

Ever since I can remember, I've been competitive in nature.  I loved to play in a good game of soccer or softball and experience that feeling to be the very best I could be, to prove what I could do.  I loved to run a race against my friends, and even if I didn't win, still feel the need to push myself to be the best I could possibly be.  I loved to plan, prepare and do the things I had been taught during practice and then to actually execute what I had learned during the game.

When I was young, the two people I wanted to prove myself to were: my mom and my dad.  I wanted to be proud of my accomplishments and I wanted my parents to be proud of me.  Nothing mattered more to me than to make my parents proud.  Probably more than I cared about what I thought, as long as they were proud then that was enough.

Many people like to say that being competitive is a bad thing, but I don't agree with that.  As I've grown older, I've learned through trial and error to channel that competitive nature into other things.  Now, my thoughts of who I want to prove myself to are a huge list of people that are looking to me to see what I will do.  My husband, my daughter, my mom, my dad, my brother... and most importantly my Heavenly parents.  I want to prove to them that I can be the very best version of me.  That I will follow God despite what I face here on earth.  That I will never let my guard down in fighting for what I know to be true.

Recently, I have faced a trial that I never thought I would have to face!  It's been a difficult one, and one where I had to dig down real deep to find out if I had the faith that I always thought I did.  To find out if my testimony really was as solid as I always thought it was. To find out if I TRULY did believe in a Heavenly Father who loved me.... his daughter.  How else would I find out how strong my foundation is, or how much I truly KNOW the Gospel is true, or how much I know God truly knows and loves me?  If we never have trials of our faith, then how will we truly KNOW?

A few months before my brother Chandler left to boot camp, he was having some second thoughts about going.  He realized the big "LEAP OF FAITH" that he was going to be taking.  Believing, trusting and relying on all the tender mercies, little detours and signs from above.  Having faith that they were true, and were honestly from a loving God.  He had sent me a text that day regarding how he was feeling.  It's amazing how inspired I felt to send him a certain string of texts, but one has stuck out to me as I have gone back to read them.

It says:

"Things WILL work out how they are supposed to.  You need to have faith over fear.  Trust God that he knows.  Will it be tough sometimes?  YES.  Will there be some sacrifice?  YES.  Will there be moments of fear and doubt?  YES.  But anything worth doing is worth having patience through trial and error and giving it significant time to come to fruition and bear fruit."

And you know what, that text was an answer to my own prayer as well.  It answered all my questions about the current trial I've been facing. God works in mysterious ways.

Before we came to earth, we knew what we would face in this life.  I don't doubt there was some talk amongst us, just like the text I sent to my brother.  We KNEW it would be hard, we KNEW there would be some sacrifice, we KNEW there would be fear and doubt, but we also KNEW that we wanted to take that leap of faith.  To come to earth, to face trials, pains, sickness, sadness, hurt.... and the list goes on, because we knew who we wanted to be like and we knew what it would take to get there.  We wanted to be like our Heavenly Parents, and to be like them we would have to do hard things.  And we have to do those hard things well, and prove with every ounce of competitiveness we have in us, that we can do this.

So no matter what trial, sadness, pain, sickness or heartache comes my way, I will remember this.  I will remember that we chose to come here, because we knew our potential.  Even more importantly, God knows our potential.  And even when I don't measure up, God already had in his loving plan to send the Savior to the world.  His only begotten Son to take upon himself all of the horrible things that we face.  So that when I don't measure up, He makes up the rest.  It's a perfect plan.

To end I want to tell you a little piece of the recent letter my brother wrote to me from bootcamp, it says:

"Keep being an annoyance and a disturber in the kingdom of Satan."

We know Satan is real, and preys on those people whose faith may be faltering due to certain trials they are facing.  But, we cannot let him win.  

If that isn't competitive in nature, I don't know what is. 

 Just like in a game of soccer or softball, trying to prove myself to my parents.  We need to be doing the same thing here on earth in this game of life, but proving what we can do to our Heavenly Parents.

Keep up the good work, my dear friends!  Keep fighting the good fight and never give up.